Hilang

Aku HILANG?!
lately ade orang tanya aku, ape yang hilang. sebab aku letak status aku kt ym "hilang".
ni jawapannye...

aku hilang...
semangat... : dok umah xde kje asek men gem ngn surf tenet. mne smangat tak ilang.
percutian... : smalam aku bgtau bapak aku, aku nak g bercuti ke melaka. then bapak aku tanya, knape nak g cuti jauh2? duk rumah je la. huhu. down gle xdapat g jalan2.
kereta... : aku xde kete pun. sje kecoh. teringin la nak kete...
rubik cube... : kenapa kedai yang jual rubik cube tu dulu da ilang? huhu. baru nak memasterkan diri maen rubik cube. leh impress gadis2 murahan tepi jalan. haha.
awek... : ni paling sedih skali r. actually aku msh berpunya. tapi lately awek aku sibuk la pulak... da 3 bulan ktorang da jarang msg, calling2, vc. dulu dia cakap aku sibuk nak pro xm. skang ni dia cakap dia sibuk nk final xm. nasib badan dapat awek laen course.
sibling... : dorang da abes cuti. tinggal la aku sorang2 kat umah. huhu.

tu je kot...
kalau aku teringat ape yang aku hilang nnt aku add.

damn!

i donno what is wrong with my older sisters.
last nyte, when we (my family and I) going back home from my cousin's wedding, i said to my father that i want a car. but my damn sister said "sok abah g belikan keta mainan ntuk emi". what the hell? im seriously talking with my father that i wanted a car. well, actually, i need a car. but having her said that, im literally morale down.
why? why on earth (or heaven) she said that? why can't she support me instead of saying that?
why? didn't i deserve a car? i 101% sure that she know that car is important in student life. but when i wanted a car, she always reject the idea. well, there are reasonS why i need a car. i repeat, I NEED A CAR. first, i live off campus. my hostel and my campus is 15minutes away with car. can u imagine? what happen if i overslept? what happen if i miss the bus? what happen, when im left alone in the hostel. how am i suppose going anywhere when there is no transportation? second, it is hard for me to go the town. the town is about 10km. i got no motorcycle, no car. then how can i buy my food? toileteries? go to bank? shopping? do i have to borrow my roomate motorcycle everytime i want to go to the town? certainly those who have car will reluctantly lent me their car. third, i have aunt and uncle living nearby. and everytime raya, they will 'perli' me saying that y i dont come to their house. bcoz i dont have a car.
well, there are 1001 reasons why i want car, but for those who reading my post, surely u understand that i need car.
damn you!

any subject that i can study?

weird huh? yeah. i keep on whining on study. why? mybe because i'm now very stressful preparing for my 1st professional exam, which on 18th to 20th may. but that other story.

i found that, in studying medicine (and i believe other subjects too), there are three type of, i donno wat is it - things maybe, in learning sumthing.
that is:

• calculation
• understanding
• memorization

It's very hard to find calculation in medicine, so what left is understanding or remembering.

im not good in remembering, and i find understanding medicine subjects are much more easier.
Topics that need understanding come with varies way.

• some are simple flow (a→b→c)
• some come with relation (azmi is son of dr. rosilah, aman is son of makcik ilah, dr. rosilah is makcik ilah's sister, so azmi and aman are cousin)
• some are just simple sense (if you cut blood vessel, it will bleed, right?).

actually, it give me some relief that some, if not most, of subject in medicine are topics that need understanding. but having to says so, medic is always medic. it will never run away will memory. to be a doctor, someone have to have good memory. for example, yes if you cut blood vessel, it will bleed. but what vessel, artery or veins? these jargon needs to be remembered by hard. it not just that, there are lists of things that you need to memorize to be able to understands. the parasites, the anatomy, the drugs, the antibiotics, and lots of it.
studying medicine not simple. there are things that you need to memorize to be able to understand, and there are also things that need understanding to be able to memorize. irony eh?

p/s: for those who been reading my blog, sory, im very stressful now. and whining really help me relieve my stress. hehe. nyeah, my english sux. who care?

why I cant score in medic?

before you read my post, don't say I'm "tdak bersyukur" at the end of the post. okay, here the things is....
I've been studying medicine for 2 years now, but I still feel I don't like medic.
FAQs
1. If you don't like medicine, why do you take medicine?
A. As usual, I been FORCED to take medicine. By my parent. My dad actually.
2. Why don't you talk to your dad.
A. What, now? After I been taking two years of medicine? owh, you mean before I take medicine? ok2. actually, I says so to my dad. I says sumthing like this, "I don't hate medic, but medic is not my 1st choice". when I think back, I should say, "I hate medic, medic is not what I want, I have passion in math, I hate medic" to my dad. but at that time, I donno what are learning medic is all about. so now here I ended up.
here another thing. I really try make a "coalition" with my mum and my eldest sister to support me. My mum don't really care what I want to do, I got her support. but, it turn out that my mum cant go against my dad. so my mum said "why don't you finish taking the medicine, then after you finish your medicine, you go to field that have engineering related in medicine". well, now, I got problem with studying medicine. to finish medicine and do engineering related medicine is another story. the saddest part is, when I ask my eldest sister to support me, she say "azmi, U are a brilliant student, U can do medicine". now, this is what I call pressure. first, I not brilliant, especially subject that need reading, for example history, Islamic input and BIOLOGY. I just good at math. how I can score these reading subject in SPM is, I do lot of past year question. actually, I really sux at reading subject.
here another sad things, everybody I know said, "take medic, minat will come later" is it so? after failing some of the exam, and lots of problem with my study, instead become more minat, I become more hated to medic. my passion goes deep into sea. I got no spirit anymore. day after day, I becoming more and more sad.
3. So what do you want to take?
A. actually, I want to do math, or engineering.

I hope that this will get better when I going to clinical year in 3rd year. I hope bedside learning is much more fun. I hope I can found my lost spirit, there in hospital. I hope the doctors in clinical years is not so kejam with me. I'm so tired of learning.... I miss my old time (sound like old man eh?) doing some calculation, math problems happily (yeah, I really enjoy doing math. you can call me nerd, I don't care).

p/s: Z, if you reading this, yeah, you and I have similar problems. I got problem with my study, that I might one day decide that I'm going to change course. God, this is so frustrating.