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Thursday, 23 April 2009

why I cant score in medic?

before you read my post, don't say I'm "tdak bersyukur" at the end of the post. okay, here the things is....
I've been studying medicine for 2 years now, but I still feel I don't like medic.
1. If you don't like medicine, why do you take medicine?
A. As usual, I been FORCED to take medicine. By my parent. My dad actually.
2. Why don't you talk to your dad.
A. What, now? After I been taking two years of medicine? owh, you mean before I take medicine? ok2. actually, I says so to my dad. I says sumthing like this, "I don't hate medic, but medic is not my 1st choice". when I think back, I should say, "I hate medic, medic is not what I want, I have passion in math, I hate medic" to my dad. but at that time, I donno what are learning medic is all about. so now here I ended up.
here another thing. I really try make a "coalition" with my mum and my eldest sister to support me. My mum don't really care what I want to do, I got her support. but, it turn out that my mum cant go against my dad. so my mum said "why don't you finish taking the medicine, then after you finish your medicine, you go to field that have engineering related in medicine". well, now, I got problem with studying medicine. to finish medicine and do engineering related medicine is another story. the saddest part is, when I ask my eldest sister to support me, she say "azmi, U are a brilliant student, U can do medicine". now, this is what I call pressure. first, I not brilliant, especially subject that need reading, for example history, Islamic input and BIOLOGY. I just good at math. how I can score these reading subject in SPM is, I do lot of past year question. actually, I really sux at reading subject.
here another sad things, everybody I know said, "take medic, minat will come later" is it so? after failing some of the exam, and lots of problem with my study, instead become more minat, I become more hated to medic. my passion goes deep into sea. I got no spirit anymore. day after day, I becoming more and more sad.
3. So what do you want to take?
A. actually, I want to do math, or engineering.

I hope that this will get better when I going to clinical year in 3rd year. I hope bedside learning is much more fun. I hope I can found my lost spirit, there in hospital. I hope the doctors in clinical years is not so kejam with me. I'm so tired of learning.... I miss my old time (sound like old man eh?) doing some calculation, math problems happily (yeah, I really enjoy doing math. you can call me nerd, I don't care).

p/s: Z, if you reading this, yeah, you and I have similar problems. I got problem with my study, that I might one day decide that I'm going to change course. God, this is so frustrating.

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